I woke up this morning and the air felt a little different. I walked outside to get the paper and it was pure chaos on my street. Did I not get the memo? I felt like Will Smith in Independence Day when he went outside and all his neighbors were packing up and leaving. What happened last night that was so bad? I ripped open the paper and looked at the front page. Iran or North Korea didn’t attack. The Queen of England didn’t just endorse Newt Gingrich. Tim Tebow didn’t just get caught with a pound of coke, a Las Vegas prostitute or a bootleg copy of “The Passion of Christ”? What could have happened? Then it hit me. Did the Knicks play last night? They did didn’t they? I yelled out “what was the score of the Knicks game?” and I heard a child scream “Jeremy Lin lost last night”. My neighbor Roy said “get out of here you idiot, save your family”. I ran inside and got the family up and moving. I sent them ahead to the Family Mountain Cabin, our go to apocalypse hangout (Does your family not have one of these?). I was staying behind to report this disaster.
The world as we know it is in full crisis mode. George Clooney and Brad Pitt just announced they have cancelled plans for Oceans 17 in honor of Lin. Winger was already in the studio remaking their classic hit “Seventeen” in honor of Lin when it happened. “He’s number Seventeen, Seventeen”(I would have bought that). The over 40,000 Chinese restaurants in the U.S. have shut their doors for good. Now I am panicking. Make your peace with your God people. What’s that noise?
It’s my alarm clock. Wow, what a dream. That was crazy. It is so comforting to know that you can wake up in a world where Jeremy Lin can’t lose. Now where is my sports page?