Hey guys! Are you as excited about the NFL Draft tonight as I am? I haven’t slept in three days and am on my 17th mock draft! It’s going to be awesome!
Devils 3 Panthers 2 (OT)
Looks like my trolling of New Jersey fans has to wait another day. Congratulations guys, you were able to force a game 7 against the Florida Panthers. In case you didn’t hear me, THE FLORIDA PANTHERS. Marty sure looked good out there stopping 14 of the 16 shots he faced. That’s an .875 save percentage for those of you that didn’t finish high school (85% of your fanbase). Good luck in game 7! It would really be embarassing if you lost to these guys….
Washington 2 Boston 1 (OT)
The defending champs have been eliminated at Alex Ovechkin’s missing teeth are moving on to the second round. I’m a little sad that Tim Thomas’s porn-stache won’t get any more TV time, but it’s probably for the best.
NFL Draft 1st Round (8:00 ESPN):
So what if there are two game 7’s tonight? IT’S DRAFT TIME PEOPLE!!! Your favorite team is going to pick a guy you will be able to watch play just five short months from now! Well, assuming he’s good enough to play right away. Or he doesn’t get hurt. Or he doesn’t hold out. Or he doesn’t get traded to another team before then. But don’t worry about any of that…BECAUSE IT’S DRAFT DAY!!!! Your team’s pick tonight will totally turn them into a Super Bowl contender, I can feel it!
2013 NFL Mock Draft Prediction Show (7:00, The Sports Dump Compound):
Ok, maybe this doesn’t really exist and it’s definitnely not on ESPN (please don’t sue us), but you can never start your mock drafts too early! We at the Sports like to cover every angle of the only sport anyone with a brain cares about, so we’re getting to work for next year right away!
Early Prediction: Matt Barkley goes #1 overall to the Los Angeles Saints. Owner Magic Johnson and the LA fans are ecstatic to keep the local phenom in town and throw a huge parade. They parade route even goes past San Quinton prison so Tom Benson, Mickey Loomis and Sean Payton can watch.