In an effort to combat DUI arrest, the state of Michigan has deployed sweet talking urinal cakes to ask men to call a cab or call a friend they have had to much to drink. Great idea, right? The only problem I see is that us men are stupid. I mean really stupid.
Here is how I see this going down. I will use me at 22-years-old as an example.
Just imagine me at a bar, pounding Dbl Dave Blaney and Coke’s. I’m feeling good and I am looking for a nice pretty lady to spend some time with. I’m using all my best lines like “People call me Charlie, but you can call me tonight” or “If you were a burger at McDonald’s you would be called the McGorgeous” but nothing is working but the liquor. I call a timeout and go to the head and regroup. This is where things go bad.
I walk up to the urinal and start the “alcohol return process” and then I hear this majestic voice from the urinal. The voice says “Please remember to call a cab or have a friend give you a ride home if you have had too much to drink.”, but I hear this “Let’s get in a cab and go home.” Now I look down at the direction of this voice and instead of seeing a cigarette filled stink hole I see this face.
So I’m thinking I have struck out all night and the first lady that gets a look at me with my pants down is moving straight to the “home invite”. So I say let’s go and grab her hand but she doesn’t budge. So she wants to stay here for a while, so I figure sure whatever. I ask for a kiss and she doesn’t say no, she only says something about getting a cab again so I move in.
If you reading Michigan, please put an end to this. This effort will not decrease DUI arrest but only increase face-to-urinal contact. Take a stand and do what’s right.