Get to your dynasty league rookie draft on time OR how I got Andrew Luck 6th overall

The 4th annual Purple Monkey Dynasty League draft was this weekend. The five original “writers” for The Sports Dump are in this 14 team dynasty league (all players are kept from year to year and only rookies and waiver wire free agents are drafted). We get together on Friday night to bitch tweak rules and then drink heavily. Saturday is spent eating a Bacon Explosion and drafting our rookies.

We start the draft at noon and there is no waiting around. Richard Phillips already touched on this story here. But, in honor of redundancy, here is the full story. My ass was running late along with one league member that was with me and another following. We show up as the 3rd pick was on the clock and quickly get signed into the wireless network and get ready to draft. Luckily I drafted 6th so I didn’t have to scramble too much. However, two other owners were also late. Our morning dumper, Charlie (“Jumbo”), was nowhere to be found and not online remotely. Guess who was picking 3rd,5th and 7th? Yep, Jumbo (he showed up around pick 10 and blamed his tardiness on a wreck). I had no intention of taking Andrew Luck since I was sure he would be gone at 6 not to mention that I already have Cam Newton and Matt Schaub as my QB’s. RB was a need of mine and I was hoping to get Ronnie Hillman because I have Willis McGahee and the entire Detroit Lions backfield as my starters. I actually didn’t have a 1st rounder coming in but traded Michael Turner away to get the 6th overall pick, creating an even larger necessity to get a RB there. The irony, of course, is that Jumbo would have taken Hillman had he been at the draft on time. So the fact that he was on auto draft at this point allowed me the opportunity to take who I wanted all along. But for some reason I couldn’t find myself to skip out on Luck and hand him to Jumbo at 7 (assuming the system would have selected Luck for him) or let him fall to one of the other assholes in the league. So I begrudgingly selected Luck and now I will be devoid of a starting RB by week 5 when all Lions RB’s die and Willis McGahee takes up walking the way Charlie Weis does. I LOVE FANTASY FOOTBALL.

Here are the first 2 rounds of the 5 round draft.






1.01 1. Sons of Travis Henry
Richardson, Trent CLE RB (R) This team has a lot of needs. Richardson was a no-brainer to start.
1.02 2. Sons of Travis Henry Martin, Doug TBB RB (R) Many thought you needed to choose between Richardson and Martin. This owner didn’t have to since he was awful (and trade savvy) enough to get the first two picks.
1.03 3. The Bounty Hunters Blackmon, Justin JAC WR (R) Jumbo did not set a pre-draft list and because of his tardiness ended up with married to Blackmon at 3rd (LOL) overall. It did fit a WR need though.
1.04 4. Sons of Travis Henry Griffin III, Robert WAS QB (R) The homer Redskins owner gets his man at 4.
1.05 5. The Bounty Hunters Floyd, Michael ARI WR (R) Still on auto-draft here but again fills a need.
1.06 6. The Renouncers! Luck, Andrew IND QB (R) RB biggest need? Hillman available? Luck drafted. Hard to complain though…
1.07 7. The Bounty Hunters Wilson, David NYG RB (R) Again, Jumbo has a need filled. It just wasn’t the guy he wanted.
1.08 8. The Bandwagon Fleener, Coby IND TE (R) This was a good pick. Owner has the aging Antonio Gates at TE.
1.09 9. Sons of Travis Henry Wright, Kendall TEN WR (R) Tommy adds to his WR corps which includes Desean Jackson, Mike Williams (TB) and Julio Jones.
1.10 10. The Long Ranger Weeden, Brandon CLE QB (R) Quincy takes Weeden to go along with Colt McCoy… and breaks another owner’s heart (The Tickle Monster).
1.11 11. Sons of Travis Henry Jeffery, Alshon CHI WR (R) What a great snag of talent in the first round by Tommy. He’ll be happy if half of these guys pan out.
1.12 12. Jacquizz In Your Eye Hillman, Ronnie DEN RB (R) RB was a need and this was the best one left in most people’s opinions. However, he probably just drafted him in order to troll me and my McGahee ownership.
1.13 13. Layin The Smackdown Sanu, Mohamed CIN WR (R) Has some age already at WR so this could be a solid PPR guy for this team.
1.14 14. The Tickle Monster Moss, Randy SFO WR Our league allows players not on rosters to be drafted during this draft and here is our first free agent! ONE CLAP.
2.01 15. The Tickle Monster Gordon, Josh CLE WR (R) Homer Browns fan makes Homer pick we all expected. He would have probably taken Weeden at 14 also if he was still available.
2.02 16. Sons of Travis Henry Hill, Stephen NYJ WR (R) Continues to add talent to his squad. 3 young talented WR’s.
2.03 17. The Bandwagon Pead, Isaiah STL RB (R) His only RB worth mentioning was Fred Jackson. Will need some more help at RB at some point.
2.04 18. The Bounty Hunters Turbin, Robert SEA RB (R) Turbin landed in a good situation in Seattle.
2.05 19. YOUR MOM’S FAVORITE JEW Miller, Lamar MIA RB (R) Remember last year when everyone was excited about who the Dolphins drafted? What was his name again?
2.06 20. Deadbeatoffinyoureye James, LaMichael SFO RB (R) RB depth needed badly. Good pickup for this late although James is in a crowded situation.
2.07 21. The Bandwagon Wilson, Russell SEA QB (R) Guess who is an NC State fan?
2.08 22. Jacquizz In Your Eye Tannehill, Ryan MIA QB (R) An admitted reach by this owner… unless it works out. Adds depth behind Drew Brees and Tim Tebow.
2.09 23. Elusive Hairless Beavers Quick, Brian STL WR (R) Good upside guy.
2.10 24. Elusive Hairless Beavers Goodson, Mike OAK RB Thought there were better options but someone is counting on some RUN DMC injuries so this could be a sneaky pickup.
2.11 25. Some White Guy Randle, Rueben NYG WR (R) Also has Cruz so this is a good selection.
2.12 26. Some White Guy Pierce, Bernard BAL RB (R) Handcuff pick for a Rice owner.
2.13 27. Some White Guy Royal, Eddie SDC WR Laserface has to throw to someone, right?
2.14 28. Layin The Smackdown Jenkins, A.J. SFO WR (R) Fast WR but will they throw enough for it to matter?
Make fun of us or share your draft ridiculousness in the comments or Tweet the blog (@thesportsdump) or me (@phileyoung)

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